The ground is shifting under my feet … what is this? What is this apparent flip in space-time? What is it asking of me?
Yesterday, I didn’t know if I was to stay and fight or pick up and go. Today, it seems I must stay and fight. All the tendrils, threads, deer-trods, are reaching into me, quivering. If I leave then this spirit of place will die, be killed by “modern agri-business” … how can I run and let that happen?
I gave myself several readings last night, and got one from my dear sister – they all said I must fight. They all said I will succeed … but oh ye gods I am so, so scared!
The little personal self is screaming Why? Why me? Why now?
My spirit-soul knows but isn’t telling all, not all at once. It knows far better than that, I’m in a human incarnation and have all those limitations, if it shows me the whole picture all to once the little me will freak right out! So it walks slowly with me, baby steps, only as much as I can handle at any one time until I’ve absorbed and digested that bit and so am able for the next. This is not a time for wailing egos … when is it ever? LOL
But grieving must be done too. If I don’t grieve I’ll not know what I’m fighting for, not know the pain, not know the loss of the robin singing out there in the lilac as he does every morning, bringing me to Life each day. How can I live and do the work for otherworld without him and all the darling creatures and beasties I live with here at Archenland? How can I live without them, without Archenland’s spirit of place?
Yes, the Earth has moved, shifted, shrugged and suddenly I am in a new place. It is the same place but different … and it is threatened. I promised when I came here 19 years ago to love and bond with it, do Elen’s work, and Merlin’s for he is my guardian and this is his place. Now they’re calling on me to help.
I want to crawl away and hide … but I cannot. Ye gods, all, please help me get this right!